and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
