in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
