also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
