i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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