i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I want is dick and wine.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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