so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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