Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize