whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize