Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
