She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
