I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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