a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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