Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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