i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
