just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
