they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize