Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
