Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
