Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we should paint friendship bongs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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