I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
