Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
