The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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