then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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