new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize