He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
