Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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