I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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