i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
