Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
