I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
