once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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