This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
