I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
