my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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