I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
