Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I want is dick and wine.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
