There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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