your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
