my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
