You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
