Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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