we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize