i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
