I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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