apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
