We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
