She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize