Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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