hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
