I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's never too late to be topless.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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