If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
