He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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