I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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