found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
