The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
