i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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