i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
