i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We are two peas in an std pod
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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