I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
