this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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