He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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