This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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