I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
