Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
