My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
