I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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