He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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