Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize