My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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