There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
