After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
