I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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